Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
