i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
