It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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