$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
