We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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