I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
