I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
