i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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