The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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