This is not my ceiling
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
