do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
