1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
