yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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