I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
