This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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