I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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