She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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