Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize