summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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