found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We are two peas in an std pod
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
