Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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