my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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