Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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