heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
