I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
