If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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