Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
