woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
