My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
4 words: hood of his car
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
