how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
