And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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