you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
