Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
