my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
