she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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