Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
