Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
