A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
