Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
