I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
