if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
40s are totally the cure
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
