her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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