i barfeds in our rink
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
