Whod you bang
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
