So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
