He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
