I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize