So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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