You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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