I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
