i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I smell stomach acid.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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