I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize