OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
