i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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