Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There's always time for handjobs
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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