I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
