what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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