i think my mom watched the whole time
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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