You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize