Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
