He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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