and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
