His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize