did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
