His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
