Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
that is very illegal...i love you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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