At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Randomize
