There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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