Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
