High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
