We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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