her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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