People in love make me want to vomit
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
