I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
