I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
