I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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