what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
